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27 February 2011

On "staying positive"

Yesterday DH and I went to an engagement party barbeque for my brother-in-law and future sister-in-law.  There was a baby there.  The baby is the child of one of B.I.L's friends.  So of course I knew DH would go straight over to see the baby.  It wasn't long before the mother handed the baby to DH and, as usually happens, the baby took to him straight away.  As I watched DH's face light up and the baby interact with him, my eyes filled with tears.  Dammit, I thought I was coping with this!  DH saw me across the table, handed the baby back and pulled me aside to see if I was ok.  He gave me hisusual line of "don't worry, we will get there." 

A little while later I heard DH and the baby's mother talking.  I heard her ask the dreaded question, "so when are you guys going to start a family?"  I didn't catch DH's whole response, but my hearing was acute enough to pick up the phrase "...a sensitive subject".

I was thinking the other day about how I will cope with the next pregnancy.  Given that we seem to have conceived sooner than the average all three times, one thing I am fairly confident about is that I will get pregnant again.  The second and third times I remember trying not to think too far ahead and couching all discussions about the future with "all being well" or "if we get that far".  The person I was talking to would always say, "Don't talk like that...you have to stay positive" or some similar phrase.  Did they not understand that I was trying to shield myself from some of the pain of losing another one?  Did what I was saying make them feel uncomfortable?  Is it just something people say?  Or do they think that "staying positive" (as opposed to my techniques of denial and distraction) will affect the outcome of the pregnancy or my response to the outcome?  I'm not saying it won't...I genuinely don't know the answer.

1 comment:

  1. oh I am way past people telling me to be positive also, I actually think the next person who dares to say it may actually cop more than they deserve.

    My thoughts are with you as I know exactly what you are going through.

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