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31 March 2011

Memory dump this is a bit off the usual track but I was thinking yesterday about how every service these days seems to have a password and/or pin.  It has got a whole lot worse with online shopping.  They tell you not to write them down and not to reuse them, so how the ****are you supposed to remember them all?

One thing I signed up for had an internet access number, a password and 2 pins (for different access methods)!  Well I promptly forgot the 18-digit access number and the pin and I had dutifully destroyed the paper with the pin on it so had to start all over again and wait for them to send me out another access number!  I wish biometrics were used for everything - at least I'm not in danger of forgetting my fingerprint!

27 March 2011

The girl who cried "baby"

My Dad told me something interesting yesterday.  He said that next time I get pregnant he doesn't want to know until after 12 weeks.  I'm not sure what to make of this.  Sure, I know it's upsetting for them to be told they have a grandchild on the way and then to be 'untold' a few weeks later.  I'm sure this is even harder for them when it happens again and again, as it has in our case.  Hell, I'd like to get past 12 weeks before finding out I'm pregnant, but I'm pretty sure that's not realistic, especially if I have to use the pessaries again.  I mean ignorance may be bliss, but it's rather difficult to maintain when you're sticking a little white bullet up your "hoo-ha" every night and then lying still for 30 minutes!

Even the first time I got a BFP I was very selective about who I shared the news with.  But once you've had a miscarriage, particularly if you're an anxious person like I am, the wait until that supposedly magical 12 week mark is absolute torture.  Trying to get on with ordinary day to day life like work, grocery shopping and paying bills in between checking your underpants for blood every 15 minutes and over-analysing every single little twinge or cramp is stressful, and time seems to slow to a crawl.  It helps to have a few select people who are in on the secret to offer support.  I'm not sure my Dad has considered it from this perspective and I'm sure he means well, but I do wonder how this would work in practical terms.  Because I'm pretty sure my Mum doesn't feel the same way, and it is hard to imagine her keeping a secret like that from Dad.  Anyway I guess I'll have to ask her myself.  Hopefully the next time I have news for them it won't just be a drill.

26 March 2011

Moving Forward

I really hate this phrase ... and its friend "going forward".  It's a management cliche of the worst kind.  But it also happens to be the name of the moving company we're using and, I guess, a good motto for the next few weeks.  So I'm trying to focus on the future: setting up our new home and hopefully filling that second bedroom.

Met up with some of the ladies from the baby forum I participate in, and their babies.  They were lovely and I was having a good, "not-feeling-too-sorry-for-myself" day.  Rest of the day has been pretty chilled: reading, a little afternoon snooze and some left over pizza for dinner.  DH is at a car show in Wangaratta this weekend and I am enjoying the peace and sport on TV!!! :)

18 March 2011

Balm for the Soul

I know it's been a while since my last post but got quite distracted planning and then going on our holiday to Tasmania.  We had a wonderful time and visiting places like Cradle Mountain and the Tamar Valley was, as someone wrote in a guest book, a "balm for the soul".  It helps to remind me that there are beautiful things in the world that don't involve babies.

Did it make everything better?  Of course not.  And just to bring the point home AF arrived yesterday, a few days earlier than usual.  Am feeling a bit like everyone else is a member of a club that won't admit me.  I went with my sister and nephew for brunch.  As tends to happen we ran into someone we knew with a toddler.  There was the whole exchange, "Oh, is that your little one?"  "How old is he?" "Oh, that's such a cute age.  How old is yours?" And I just stand there like a spare wheel.  I am sick of this bitter person I have become.

At least I have pictures (on my computer and in my mind) that I can use when I need a "happy place" to go to.  For the moment that's the best I can do.